BLOGPOST #25

September 8, 2020

Depression Sucks.

Depression Sucks.

True story.

The first time I can remember being in something like depressed was in my twenties.

It was after an intensely painful breakup.

The collateral damage from that relationship was devastating. I had lost my Love, who was also someone I considered my best friend. And in that moment of being cracked open, I alive to the distraction within me. I chose to release many friendships at that time, and I watched my friend group magically dissolve around me.

If you know me, I am a 4th line in human design. My friends are my world and my everything.

I’ve never felt so deeply and existentially alone as I did that year.

For nine months, I was in the tunnel of grayness, outwardly pretending you be okay.

Inwardly I was in so much pain I felt like I was dying.

This was my first of many spiritual awakenings.

Somewhere in pain, I caught glimpses of our true nature as humans.

I began the work of starting to wake up.

Letting go of the conditioning around who I think I’m supposed to be.

Little by little, remembering who I am.

And why I have chosen to be here.

No darkness without light.

When this darkness fills my being, I welcome it now as an old friend.

Soon enough, this pain and sadness will leave me.

We chose to reincarnate into this life to experience the pain as well as joy.

Tomorrow, I will transform. I will flap my new wings and fly away from the many silken threads of my cocoon. Leaving behind the charred bones of who I once was.

But...

For now

Let me have my sadness.

Let me dissolve

Without fighting

Only becoming

Who I am

Love

#metamorphosis #transformation #inthesoup #surrender